Come to think of it, i guess it has been sometimes since i last have my own dreams or target that i wanted to achieve. I’ve been lost somewhere in time still searching for something vague. Maybe only time would tell what is it that i crave for because it is not easy to admit that we are not at our level best now. I just wanted to do something better or at least worth doing. The only problem is i don’t know what it is. Or what i want, or what is right or wrong.
“Just go for your dream because if you try and you don’t get it, you lose nothing. But if you try and you get into it, you get everything.”
I dream of something, and that would be being a star in the thing i do. Hehe. By the way, i’m going to Sg Wang tomorrow to grab season 2 and 3 dvd of The O.C. Hmm. But it would be better if i could just rent or borrow it from anyone.
What if i had my own tv show? Would there be anyone watching? haha..cos i was actually watching this Mtv jus with VJ Fazura just now. I’m not really watching mtv to be frank. But just accidentally happen to flip the channel after finished with The O.C season 2 marathon. It was said to be the last of this season..Hmm.. I do not acknowledged Fazura so much in the entertainment ind because the earliest appearance was merely too much of controversy. But somehow she managed to get through it with her own ways i guess. Maybe it’s best not to judge, like what we always did (me especially). She’s quite a talent and a bombshell. What amazed me was her birth date.. 2 days after mine. And she’s a libra. What amazed me more was i received 5 calls in a row today with all cust birth year falls on 1983. Is there anything i’ve missed today..? Seems like there’s too much of a coincidence. Â
Today, i woke up 9.30am and found out my housemate already cooking something in the kitchen. I just got up brush my teeth,wash my face sikit2 and boil water. My housemate already done cooking rice n simple dish- telor dadar. Well, we haven’t got a fridge yet at this moment so fancy cooking is still unavailable. I make my own cup of milo n i made some ikan bilis goreng (fried anchovies) with chopped onion n cili padi. Then of cos in front of tv we sit and enjoy our meal. Though it wasn’t so much, the simple dish made us happy. It’s not really the cost or the way food was cook but there’s something else that made us tempted. Haha..might be we were very hungry that time or we just too lazy to cook complicated stuff.. I think the answer would be the latter one.. Â
Btw, same goes everytime i goes back to kampong. The usual dish would just be ikan sepat goreng, sometimes the salted one with sambal belacan and pucuk ubi rebus. Might be gross to some people who never did live in kampong before. But we had that for every meal; breakfast, lunch and dinner. Best thing if the fish we caught ourselves from the sawah padi. They (the fish) tastes differently from the one we bought at the market. Cos they were fresh and does not smell like those from market which were breed in kolam.  I’m just missing my childhood years spent helping my grandma planting paddy and washing and dipping ourselves in the muddy soil while we were trying to catch fish at the same time.. It’s a nice feeling remembering all those sweet memories. As now so much changes were done and we don’t find a lot of fish anymore. The paddy field is still there only that less manpower needed to work it out. Everything is done by mac-hine now. And more young people no longer stays in kampong. Only the elderly runs everything and if they gone one day kampong will become apart of our history. Inside our kids textbook.
it’s gonna be a fifty-fifty treatment
you’d be in and never outdoor
you’d be king long lost forgotten
it’s gonna take a while i once remembered
there were lies i used to tell her
hidden secrets make it rotten
on and on the days go on
and on and on for what i made wrong
fall this time the times are useless
have you been through wonderful minds ?
shout out loud the ants are coming
there’s a thought that ever was
once again and not forever
all the things you do you would do know
all the things you said you would say now
all the dreams come true in the mainland
have you been through wonderful minds ?
My pursuit of career. Since i’m always confused, scared, mengade2, maybe i should try this http://www.careertest.us/index.html?gclid=CL2WgoqblY8CFQgZegodRlVFfg . When i just got excited to try this link skali tengok kena bayar lak. Ceh. Of course la i won’t do it. Free consulting takde ke?
I just arrived from kampong yesterday (16/10). 4 days at kampong was a mixture of fun, sad and tired. All the while from dawn to sunset if the day was not spent outside; say for visiting, all the women in the house will be spending their day in the kitchen. It has been a routine since i was born. All my aunties would not stand a chance to do other things other than bogging themselves with womens’ job.haha..i’m actually talking as if i’m not a women.
Btw, i’m so lazy to update my blog. Everytime i was typing something i would just save as drafts for almost 2 weeks and when i got the chance to update again i will just delete the previous drafts.hehe..i’m still looking forward to attending open houses if there’s any..(?) Mine i think i might not have the time to do so cos my rest day often falls on others working day..Maybe i’ll just do makan2 after raya la..
Last day of work before i head for raya holiday. Finally.. It is just a few more hours to kill. I’m still laid back here. Working is not a passion for me now. It seems like i’m starting to get bored with almost everything i had. I can’t seem to find the real thing or even something that i should lean forward to. This is so dangerous. I guess i am now in midst of understanding myself. Argh.. I just don’t know how to get back to normal. I wish this interval will pass without me making a wrong decision in the end. It’s just about time i need to decide for myself. But the thing is i’m just too afraid to try or even to indulge to the thing i wanted. Might be i’m still feeling insecure of my own capabilities.Â
Right here, right now i’m seeing more and more people tendering their resignation after they received their bonus. Haha.. I can’t say more as more people will look forward to upgrade themselves. But of course, jobhopping will always be an option. Only that when exactly will we be satisfied with the thing we had. And the answer will remains, we will never be grateful and satisfied. We always wanted to look up for something better. It’s a good thing but there’s always pros and cons. And i wouldn’t want to think of that yet.
Now, i just need to struggle harder to figure out what exactly i want out of my life. The real question is how am i supposed to be sure that my decision is correct. Life is always a gamble. Only that we need to play it right and understand the risks. As ‘confused’ is my middle name i admit i sometimes just let things be the way it is. Things like this keeps coming repeatedly and in the end we rely truly on ourselves. We who decide on our own and others can only serve as guidelines.. Â
One sure thing is Raya is around the corner and wishing all Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir dan Batin..
It’s been quite sometime since i last posted or even update my blog.
The real reason is due to restrictions i encountered. I need to curi2 to surf anything on the world wide web but most of the time i ended up reading classics or play games. Friendster? Hehe.. Lagi la lame x bukak.  :lol:Â
Raya is just around the corner and tomorrow will be my last day working. Finally i get a 6 days leave for raya. It was tough to be away from family like what i did last raya. Truth is money can’t buy happiness as triple pay not equivalent to perfect raya. We who was given the chance should really appreciate this opportunity as compared to those unlucky ones who had to sacrifice during this festive season.. (like me last year) hehe..
Back to life, everything is as usual as it could be. My raya preparation this year i concentrate more towards my family. I, myself did not prepare anything for myself. I feel contented just to see happiness in the eyes of others. In that way, i learned to appreciate other people in my life and sometimes put their priority on top of mine. Sounds pathetic, ain’t it? But that’s just the way it is. I hate to admit it sometimes but it happens.
Welcome to this site. This is mainly dedicated to those who enjoys reading amateur blog. Nothing impressive offered only stupid thoughts and ideas. Feel free to leave your comments, suggestions, ideas or just about anything you could think of. Have a nice day and enjoy! :smile: Â